“Ugh, I'm completely fed up with it! I can tell them a hundred times to use that new app, but as soon as I turn my back, they just do whatever they want.”
Do you ever feel irritated or disheartened by your colleague's attitude?
The Cause of Resistance
In a previous blog I wrote that resistance to change is not caused by unwillingness, but stems from the need for success, harmony, belonging, preservation, or responsibility. When we are (unconsciously) afraid that these needs will no longer be met, we become resistant.
Ask a question
The insightful question to ask when encountering resistance is: what need lies beneath the resistance I'm observing?
There's only one way to find this out: engage in a conversation with the other person. Easier said than done, because your colleague's resistance also affects you. Instead of talking to each other, our reaction to resistance is often to defend, push our own beliefs, please, blame, or feel discouraged.
I'm okay and you're okay.
To have the conversation, it's important to acknowledge that your colleague has a 'right' to resistance, as this protects something important to them. Your colleague's resistance is therefore not something personal against you, but rather lies in fulfilling their needs. If you want to have an effective conversation, do so from a place of equality with the premise: I am okay and you are okay as a person.
From this basis, you can sincerely ask your colleague about the reason for their resistance and together look for another way to fulfill your colleague's underlying need. Take your time for this conversation.
Ultimately, these lead to the most rewarding conversations, and you will notice that your colleague becomes your biggest ambassador!
