10 essential permissions for any leadership program
Do you live with silent 'inhibitors' in your life, ingrained beliefs about what you should or shouldn't do? 'Work for pleasure', 'Don't have too much fun', 'Make sure you never ask for too much'. Over time, without us realizing it, these inhibitors infect our lives and can truly hold us back in our development. Many of these inhibitors hinder our own leadership development.
That's why I am so grateful for the Ten Permissions that Taibi Kahler, a recognized clinical psychologist and developer of the Process Communication Model (PCM®), has given me. Permissions are one of the most important and valuable gifts we can give ourselves and others. These have helped me through many stuck moments and sleepless nights. And I am happy to share them with you.
It's okay to be yourself.
You are unique. You don't have to be anyone else. You are enough! I matter as a person, even if I'm not performing (professionally) or performing less for a while.
It's okay to feel good, even if you make a mistake or don't know all the answers.
This isn't about selfish self-worth. It's about separating who you are from what you do. You are a human being, not someone who only matters if you do everything perfectly.
It's okay to take your time.
Contrary to what is often said in our hurried world, the mind and soul function best when given enough time to be conscious and present. Multitasking is a myth.
It's okay to be self-aware.
What!?! This is not the same as being selfish. Self-awareness means taking care of your most important psychological, spiritual, social, and physical needs, so you have the energy to serve others. If you neglect this, you'll be poorly equipped to be an effective parent, boss, coach, or employee. Yes, it's okay to put on your own oxygen mask first.
It's okay to be open.
Openness is the starting point for 'Compassionate Accountability®'. You can read more about this in this article: Openness.
It's okay to be successful.
This might come as a surprise; some people find it difficult to accept that they are allowed to be successful. It's okay to accept success as a result of your hard work, the support of others, and even a bit of luck. You don't need to boast.
It's okay for others to learn and grow without you expecting it from them.
For me personally, this was the hardest to accept, and the biggest relief once I understood it. I have become a much better parent, entrepreneur, trainer, coach, and friend since embracing this permission. Expectations, as they say, are the surest path to disappointment. When I desire things without expecting them, I am able to share responsibility for the outcome without anyone's well-being being at stake.
It's okay for others to win too.
You don't always have to win. If you do your best and someone else still wins, congratulate them. Don't be a bad loser.
It's okay to have strengths and weaknesses.
Self-awareness and emotional intelligence involve understanding your strengths and weaknesses, knowing how to make the most of them, and functioning optimally within teams, relationships, and communities.
It's okay to use your potential.
There is a time to accept defeat, and there is a time to rise and use your strengths. People are capable of striving for goals. In fact, human action is the key to hope.
I invite you to take a moment to reflect on these ten permissions and consider whether it might be valuable to share them with your managers. And then also answer the following questions for yourself:
- Which permission is easiest for you to accept?
- Which is the most difficult? And why?
- Which permission is easiest for you to give to others? Which is the most difficult? Why?
- Is there a permission you want to give yourself to be happier, more fulfilled, less stressed?
- What would happen if your workplace culture embraced and extended these permissions to one another? How can you become part of such a revolution?
Monique Bruil / Owner BSmart Communication / Development Partner / PCM & LOD Trainer and Coach / Author of the book 'Collaborating with More Self-Awareness in 10 Steps'.
Inspiration: https://www.next-element.com/
Photo credit: Matheus Costa via Unsplashed.com
