A while ago, I was in Prague, a beautiful city in the Czech Republic, rich in culture and with great shops! We shopped to our heart's content, enjoyed the beautiful buildings, and regularly sat on a terrace with a good glass of wine :-). Everything was ordered in good English.
“They're not very friendly here, are they?” we said to each other. Shop staff with a neutral or somewhat grumpy demeanor. Waitresses and waiters who served correctly but distantly. Hmm, could it be the culture? Perhaps it has something to do with the past? We speculated freely.
One word makes a difference
I kept trying to remember the word for Thank you. Dekowie? Dikwie? I couldn't get it into my head on the first day. I decided to look it up on Google Translate again after yet another grumpy shop assistant when we asked her for the fourth pair of shoes we wanted to try on. Long live Google Translate and 4G within Europe. She arrived with three boxes of size 39 and put them down. In my best broken Czech, I mumbled with a cautious smile děkuji. 'Rádi udělal' the lady said with a smile back. A smile! We hadn't seen that yet. Suddenly, there was a connection. Wow! One little word in her language and this is the effect.
Unfriendly or a different language?
I thought of the years of training I have been providing in the Process Communication Model®, a powerful model that offers practical tools to keep communication clear. The founder, Taibi Kahler, employs a clear principle regarding communication: “If you want people to listen to you, speak their language.” I could not have received a better confirmation than from this lady. For although I did my best to speak English (after all, the world's number one language), I was naturally a guest in her country and was eager to make contact.
Instead of making all sorts of assumptions about why people seemed so unfriendly, just one word in their native language made a huge difference. For me, it might have been difficult to remember (I really had to ask and look it up 5 more times), but it had a great effect. So, if you want to connect, speak the other person's language. Even one word is enough to show that you are willing to make an effort for them.
If you want people to listen to you, then speak their language.
Dr. Taibi Kahler
Preventing Miscommunication
Even within our own language, we speak different 'languages,' and we tend to stick to our preferred communication style, even when we notice we're not connecting with others. Do you speak the language of Thoughts and logic, or of Actions and initiative? Are you struggling to get through to your conversation partner? Are you experiencing miscommunication, finding yourself drawing conclusions about the person like 'they're not listening,' or 'they always have an opinion ready'? Then ask yourself: what is their preferred communication style? And what would happen if I made an effort to connect in that style?
Curious about the six languages we all speak? Read more here about the different personality types within us and their associated languages. Discover what you can do to improve the way you connect with others.
Edith Doosje is a PCM Master Trainer and co-founder of PCM Netherlands & Belgium
