This story is about a situation with two different outcomes. In one case, it leads to a pleasant conversation, and in the other, a complaint. It's a story about different perceptions.
The doorbell rings, and I let the technician in. There's an issue with the TV signal.
The technician walks to the box in the wall, holds a meter to it, and says, 'That's right, there's no signal coming in.' Then adds, 'You haven't paid the bill, so you've been disconnected.'
I think: “But we do have that! That’s not right!” And I also recognize the playful way he says it. I decide to joke along instead of protesting: “Oh, so that’s the case! Aaaah, what a shame, now you’ve come for nothing!”
The technician looks at me, pauses, and then says, 'I'm glad you recognized the joke, because I once had a customer who filed a complaint, furious that I dared to suggest he hadn't paid the bill!'
Secretly, I'm a bit relieved that it's a technical problem. I ask if he wants coffee, and we chat. He talks about all sorts of experiences in his work, and it's a really nice conversation.
I am getting to know the man as someone who is motivated by contact and interaction with his surroundings. Hence his joke. He also visibly brightens up when I respond to it with humor.
Of course, it was a joke with a sharp edge of criticism. And that can turn out badly, as it did with that other client.
What lens do you use to view the world?
I perceive the world through a lens of thoughts, valuing logic and facts. I enjoy asking questions and respond well when asked for my thoughts. My initial reaction was based on the fact that what he said wasn't accurate. Without the insights from the Process Communication Model® (PCM), I would not only have thought this but also said it out loud, perhaps even a bit angrily, stemming from distress.
Process Communication Model teaches that it's not just about what you say, but also how you say it. The non-verbal signals showed it was a joke. The mechanic exuded a preference for playful interaction. Humor was key! His perceptual lens is one of reactions, likes & dislikes – different from mine. His preferred language is humor. To truly connect, one of you needs to adapt a little. If you're comfortable and can easily access the other person's perception, that happens automatically. If both of you are stuck in your own perceptions, the conversation can be difficult, and miscommunication can easily arise.
In this case, I consciously decided to align with his perception by responding with “aaaarrgh, what a waste, now you've come all this way for nothing!”.
The technician recalls a situation where the customer didn't appreciate his 'joke.' Perhaps the customer was viewing the situation through the lens of their own opinions, where norms and values were highly prioritized. The customer had a strong opinion and disagreed. Potentially, driven by distress, that customer asserted their opinion and filed a complaint.
This is an example of how PCM practically helps me. As a certified PCM Coach, I use this tool. Interested? Please contact me.
Photo credit: Marcela Rogante via Unsplash.com
