What does 'connecting' actually mean, and when or why does someone refer to themselves as a connector?
On LinkedIn, I find approximately 7,300 people who have used the word 'connector' on their profile, 10% of whom also include 'bridge-builder'. If you search online, you'll find various descriptions of what a 'connector' should embody. For example: Bringing together people with widely differing interests. Or: Connecting supply with demand, in any industry.
As a connector, you should be empathetic, understanding, and insightful, while also being able to be vulnerable and express your feelings. The ability to communicate on various levels is also essential. I can confidently say that 'connector' has become a broad, encompassing term.
I dare say by now that 'connector' is a catch-all term.
When someone says, “I am a true connector,” I like to ask them to elaborate;
“What shows that you are a connector?”
Answer: “I ensure that people work well together” or “I can make sure everyone is on the same page.”
Question: “How do you do that?”
Answer: “I listen very carefully and can empathize well” or “I look for common ground instead of focusing on differences.”
These answers are, of course, perfectly fine and show a positive approach, but the essence of making connections, from my perspective, is not sufficiently present. It's not about right or wrong; I simply view it differently.
I also see myself as a true connector, and when people asked me, “How do you do that?”, I used to struggle to answer. That was until I learned and experienced that making strong connections is a skill, and that self-knowledge is the key to achieving those connections.
Taibi Kahler, founder of the Process Communication Model®, abbreviated PCM, assumes that we have six different personality types within us. And that everyone has a preferred communication style that belongs to one of these types. Building strong connections begins with communicating in the way the other person finds most pleasant. If you do this authentically, you significantly reduce the chance of miscommunication and stress, and the likelihood of feeling connected is greatest. To adapt authentically, self-knowledge is essential.
People usually sense immediately when you are 'acting,' with the result that the intended feeling of connection is nowhere to be found.
It's therefore not enough to simply copy your conversation partner's verbal and non-verbal communication. People usually sense immediately when you're 'acting,' which means the desired feeling of connection will be hard to achieve.
So what is the true path to strong connections?
You will explore the relevant type within yourself. How would that type within you communicate this verbally and non-verbally? If you can authentically adapt to your conversation partner's preferred language, you communicate as effectively as possible and truly connect. Applying these skills could make all the difference between “I feel like we've known each other for years.” and “I feel like we're constantly talking past each other.”
I don't call myself a 'connector,' but I do try to let others experience that I am one.
I don't call myself a 'connector,' but I do try to let others experience that I 'am one.' Because with every conversation, as a 'connector,' you can contribute to a world where differences are celebrated – and utilized. Every day.
By Arjan Stoffers PCM trainer (Groningen)
