Every trainer experiences it: resistance in a group. What actually happens at such a moment? And how do you, as a trainer, keep thinking clearly? Perhaps not something you want to read, but it's true: it starts with your own energy. That is crucial for how you deal with resistance in a training and how resilient you are. But honestly: it remains a challenge and it's simply hard work.
Then just leave
As trainers, we used to struggle with resistance in groups. We sometimes thought about a participant: ‘If you don't want to be here, then just leave.’ But the funny thing is: resistance breeds resistance. When you encounter resistance, you yourself start thinking less clearly. And before you know it, you've lost connection and are trying to convince the other person you're right. The challenge is to deal with it effectively, but how?
When we encounter resistance, it's not necessarily about me.
Looking at resistance differently
Resistance is not yours; it belongs to the other person. And it can come from anywhere. Personal issues, but also business circumstances. If you look at resistance in that way, you can also deal with it differently. For example, you can start to see it as a gift. What information am I getting from this person? Resistance is always a form of engagement. Even if, at first glance, it doesn't seem like the engagement you're looking for. Resistance says something about that person and how they are wired. Use that! Because that's how you connect and build rapport.
If someone doesn't trust you
Recently, we experienced this: someone at the start of a training clearly communicated non-verbally: 'I'm not in the mood for this, and I don't trust you one bit.' What do you do in such a situation? Our response: we addressed it by asking, 'What do you definitely not want to happen?' The participant replied: 'A role-play.' 'Deal,' we said. And after that, she voluntarily told us what she *did* want that day. How wonderful is that?!
If someone disapproves of your approach
How we express resistance also gives you, as a trainer, a lot of insight into the positive needs of your participant. If we don't get what we positively need, we will still try to get it in a negative way. The non-verbal, closed posture and raised eyebrow of the lady in our previous example clearly showed a need to form her own opinion. From that perspective, we also have a good example. At the start of a training, a participant had quite a bit of criticism about our approach. They found our way of working, with personal profiles, 'something like a horoscope, what am I supposed to do with it?' We can tell you: as a trainer, you're immediately alert. But then the art is not to become defensive but to give recognition.
Recognition? Yes, recognition.
We literally said: 'I can imagine you have questions about our background and reliability.' We then explained the foundation of our approach, without trying to persuade. And we asked if this participant was willing to invest time that day to experience it for themselves. The response was a verbal and non-verbal 'yes'. By the end of the day, we saw an incredibly enthusiastic participant who thanked us profusely for the insightful day.
It starts with yourself
So, it's about acknowledging resistance and seeking connection. But be aware: that's only possible if you stand before your group with the right energy and preparation. If you succeed in that, resistance is truly a gift.
Photo credit: Andre Hunter via Unsplash
